My husband is the type of man who consistently abandons loaves of bread on top of the refrigerator, which, as any sane, thinking individual should know, increases the internal temperature of said bread, thereby rendering it much more hospitable to floating mold spores, which thereby render it disgusting.
Furthermore, my husband is also the type of man who will consume all of his wife-and-helpmate’s chips and will then add further unchivalrous insult to grave injury by neglecting to replace those chips, leaving the helpmate desperate and alone with her tormented innards twisting in response to her terrible, unquenched salt cravings.
♦
Jessica Westhead’s fiction has been shortlisted for the CBC Literary Awards, selected for the Journey Prize anthology, and nominated for a National Magazine Award. She is the author of the novel Pulpy & Midge (Coach House Books, 2007) and the critically acclaimed short story collection And Also Sharks (Cormorant Books, 2011), which was a Globe and Mail Top 100 Book and a finalist for the Danuta Gleed Short Fiction Prize.
She can be found at www.jessicawesthead.com
♦♦♦
Up Next:
“My mom remained unsmiling when faced with Kool-Aid Man’s grin,”
The Litter I See Project 