Alrighty then. First stop is Winners. Or rather, HomeSense. Why did Claire get me a lemon zester? Do I look like a person who zests lemons? Have I ever once said anything about zesting a lemon? She doesn’t know me. Never has. Costco is going to be a nightmare, all those restaurant people buying buckets of olives and muffins the size of baby heads. I’ll pick up one of those rotisserie chickens for dinner. Then to Chapters for Conrad Black’s book. I don’t know why Glen wants it. The last thing he read was a Reader’s Digest in 1986. Maybe he’s entering some new stage. The other day, he said he’s going through manopause and roared his face off. I’ll pick him up some panty liners. See how funny he thinks that is. The Conrad Black book better be 40% off. Maybe I’ll get something for me. A mystery. I could use more of that in my life. Oh, right. Don’t forget to look for a glass jar for the chocolate sauce while I’m at HomeSense. Something old-fashioned looking. I shouldn’t have made the sauce. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ve gained two pounds since Saturday. Speaking of obesity, why can’t Lyn buy her own knee highs? God, my wallet is falling apart. I need an address book, too. Does address have one d or two? My mind is everywhere except where it needs to be. I just hope I don’t lose this list.
Brian Francis is the author of two novels, Natural Order and Fruit. He writes a monthly advice column, “Ask the Agony Editor,” for Quill and Quire magazine and is a regular contributor to CBC Radio’s The Next Chapter.
He can be found at www.brian-francis.com